Grey.

I’m sad and a bit overwhelmed. But my journey with God has taught me this is apart of life. That I won’t be here forever. I don’t have to stay in unhappy thoughts or situations. I can give energy and light to the things that make me happy. While recognizing that sometimes the areas that feel the most uncomfortable are serving me too. So I pause. I take a moment and turn to God for reassurance. I turn to him for unanswered questions.

Some days feel like a Monday. A weariness that creeps in when the week has started completely over again. My emotions feel like they’re on a loop. A mix of highs and lows.

I have had time to reflect. To take accountability. All things have a cause and effect. However, nothing is black and white. There is grey. Lately I find myself in the grey. The grey is forgiveness. It’s admitting that you’re at fault too. It’s respecting a new boundary. Understanding that everything need not be discussed. But hoping you’re felt. It’s wondering…

In everything I don’t know or understand. I question how I’ve handled things. I question my choices and if things would be different while being ok with where they are. I’m no longer doing things for a particular outcome. Truly God has my heart. I’m human and so was Jesus. So feelings can be felt. Present. However, I’ve reached a trust in our savior. To be ok with his plan. The great unknown. Trusting Him more than the desires of my heart. Being ok when things fall apart. Thankful for setbacks and heartbreaks. Not because of something better. But because there’s evidence of His love for me. His care. To show me I’m not ready. To train me up. To give me more. But knowing the reason in the moment is less of a concern. Because the history of His works is comforting. Who He is, is evident. It’s in the Bible. In situations that don’t even concern me. In bringing people together and tearing them apart. Sometimes for a short time or long time.

Through it all, Job never turned away. Lord I won’t turn away. For you have never forsaken me.

Thank you.

I hope to honor you always through everything I do.

Amen .