Rainy Days

Alexa, Play Rainy Days by Mariah The Scientist.

I read somewhere that love is a muscle. The best way to understand that is, sometimes you workout even when you don’t want to.

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it,

Holding my truth, not letting doubt drown it.

Ignored the signs, I called it faith,

But really, it was naivety draped.

Disobedience dressed as hope,

Gripping a dream with a fragile rope.

And funny enough, there’s no one to blame,

The mirror reflects me all the same.

I knew long ago, I was fed up inside,

But I needed that push, that final divide.

No one explains how to heal the mind,

From ideas you planted, from ties that bind.

I’m not so angry, more so disappointed, it’s true,

But disappointment fades when you see past the view.

And this time I’m steady, intentional, real,

No villain to name, just feelings to feel.

You were the last point of possibility,

But my nerves remind me of fragility.

I don’t love easily, rarely at all,

Yet God reminds me He answers the call.

Perhaps this loss is His subtle plan,

To show me His grace, the touch of His hand.

For sometimes the hardest lessons we clutch, Are idols we loved a little too much.

I felt I was owed certain things,

Respect, the truth, what honesty brings.

I gave so much, with little return,

A harsh, but needed, lesson to learn.

I’m left feeling foolish, a little ashamed,

Embarrassed that I played the game.

But grace and patience blurred my view,

I can’t place all the blame on you.

What’s a girl to do when love feels tight?

I thought I’d marry you, thought it was right.

Yet distance has shown what closeness concealed,

The empty spaces that time revealed.

I see the pressure I placed on your name,

Some of that weight was my own to claim.

So I chose the best, though it cut me deep,

I walked away, my soul to keep.